I enjoy being a substitute teacher. Really, I do. It has been a blessing to be able to start immediately working without any 'job hunt' time. It's been really nice to get an immediate income too. Yes, there are some downsides to you. And some days are really hard. But others are hilarious and fun! So, I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you.
I do not appreciate you. You come way too quickly. Even when I go to bed early, you still come too quick. Please stop existing.
Dear Utah Winter,
Thank you for not being too harsh on us this year. I have really enjoyed being free from snow boots, windshield frost, and bitter winds! It's amazing driving to work on clear roads! I sure love you!
Dear Braiden's Mother,
Next time your son comes home from school and tells you that his sub forced him to take his shoes and socks off at the beginning of the day and then wouldn't let him put them back on for the rest of the day....please don't believe him. When he continues to tell you that said sub made him play outside at recess in the freezing winter and walk home in the cold without his shoes as well...please stop and think for 2 seconds before you call the school in a rage. To be honest with you, if this really happened, then yes, you would have all the reason in the world to be outraged. But when your 2nd grader tells you such an unbelievable story....please see it as such: unbelievable. As in it didn't happen. As in your child is lying to you. Which is okay, because he's only 7, and 7 year olds sometimes lie. But I'm guessing the lying isn't going to stop unless you stop believing his outrageous stories.
Not a cruel person.
Dear 8th Grade Female,
Do you remember me? I subbed your class yesterday? Well, little missy, I just thought I'd inform you that your attitude is not going to get you very far in life. Contrary to what you might think, you are not all that or the shiz, and the world does not revolve around you. Lets try to be nice to our fellow peers and to our superiors from now on, eh? Because if not, you're going to be in for a rude awakening when you step our of your 800-student school into the real world.
Just keepin it real.
Dear 2nd Graders,
My name is not teacher. Please stop calling my teacher 80 thousand times per minute. On that same note, if you have a question, please just raise your hand and I will get to you. Please DO NOT call out "teacher!" at 2-second intervals until I come to you. Trust me, I hear you.
Dear Junior High Students,
If I call you out on doing something wrong (i.e.: talking, throwing paper, cheating), I am doing so because I witnessed the crime FIRST HAND. So, please, don't get all bent out of shape swearing up and down that you weren't talking when you really were. I. Watched. You.
Wasn't born yesterday.
Dear Anonymous 2nd Grade Student,
I'm sorry that your class was not well-behaved which resulted in them only earning one tootsie roll instead of two. But you should probably know that writing your teacher threat notes that indicate that you are going to "do something really really mean at exactly 3:25pm" unless I give everyone another tootsie roll, are probably going tempt me to take away all tootsie rolls, instead of add more. Also, adding "you better watch out!" is probably only going to result in me laughing hysterically.
Also, you should probably soon learn that this is not the way to solve problems in life.
Worried about your future.
Dear High Schoolers,
Okay, I admit it. I completely forgot how to do sine, cosine, and tangent. I also admit, I've never had a reason to use that math since learning it when I was your age. Also, I'm pretty sure there's just a button on my calculator that will do all this junk for you. But I really don't remember.
Good luck on your test!!
Lets go baby shopping!!!