Monday, February 27, 2012

on pregnancy


I've been wanting to share some of my thoughts on pregnancy. Looking back at this post, I'm not sure what specifically I was going for, or if I accomplished what I wanted to accomplish. I just wanted to write my feelings on this interesting experience of life.

Today I am 17 weeks, or 4 months, or 117 days into my pregnancy.


I deliberately decided to write this post on a good day.

Just so we're clear, in order for a day to qualify to be defined 'good' it must possess any 5 of the following 10 qualities:
  1. My legs aren't so tired that I wonder if I slept-ran a marathon last night.
  2. I got a nap.
  3. I've only cried, for no reason at all, one or no times.
  4. Normal-volumed noises and normal-brighted lights aren't pounding through my head like a train with strobe lights attached.
  5. I haven't thrown up.
  6. I successfully put something healthy in my body....anything other than pasta and mashed potatoes count!
  7. I was able to do 3+ productive things.
  8. I don't have to make dinner (though, if I do, it counts as one of my productive things).
  9. I pee less than 18 times a day. 
  10. My back-ache, burning sinuses, stomach pressure, and heart burn do not all hit at the same time. It's okay if I experience all four...just not at the same time please.
Most days I'm lucky if I get 2 out of the 10.

Okay, okay. I really hope you haven't rolled your eyes one million times already. 

I am grateful for this baby in my belly. Oh, so so so grateful! I have never wished that I wasn't going through this, because I know that the end result is worth it. But, I have thought to myself, "Dag yo. This is tough business." 

Pregnancy is tougher than I expected. And it's okay if you're rolling your eyes at me. I probably would be rolling my eyes at myself, had I not been here myself. And even if I had experienced all this already, I probably would still be rolling my eyes. Actually, I roll my eyes at myself every day. I tell myself daily, "Kaela, suck it up. 16-year old girls do this. And they let camera crews film it and put it on tv."

I've realized something in these past few weeks. Every pregnancy is different. I have friends that tell me that they are so jealous of my pregnancy, that they loved every second of pregnancy. It was the best time of their lives. I just nod. Other friends remember their pregnancy experiences and wrap their arms around me, tell me this.will.end. if I but only endure. They tell me to be strong, and that if I ever need anything, anything at all, they will be there. I just nod.

Some women are indeed pregnancy superhero's. I certainly am not one of those women. If I was, I would not be sitting here writing this post. I think pregnancy is really hard. Most days, my sinuses burn all day long. It is a big accomplishment if I can be just a little bit productive and cross a few things off my to-do list. And sometimes, I just cry for no reason. Two days ago I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack and I just started crying. Like, really really crying. Weird noises and all. For like 30 minutes. It wasn't a sad song or anything. I wasn't sad at all. Tears just felt like coming out of my face. Garrett got home and I tried to stop and hide it from him, but of course he could tell. We both just laughed together and ate lunch, all the while, tears just kept streaming down my face.

My pregnancy has not been the easiest, but I also know that it could be so so so so much worse.

I talked to my brother and sister-in-law yesterday. They asked me how I was feeling and I said, "Good, I've been pretty lucky. I'm mostly just really tired." My sister, being a wise mother of two, got on the phone and solemnly said "Kaela, you're probably just going to be tired from now on. Forever. It's not going to get aaaaannnnyy better once that sweet little baby is born." I shivered because I know she's right.




I don't know my point in writing this post. And I pinky promise not to complain any more. I think things will get better once I can actually feel this little peanut inside of me. Ya know, reinforcement that this is all worth it. That there really is a little baby in there. But until then, those sweet moments where Garrett switches seats just so he can put his hand on my belly while we watch a movie. Or when he realizes that baby's ears can hear now, and he immediately leans down and sings his best version of rockaby baby. Those are the moments that get me through. We get to hear baby's heartbeat again this week! And then at the end of March we get to see baby for the first time! I'm counting on those little road marks to get me to August.






I hope I didn't offend anyone in this post. I know that pregnancy can be a touchy subject, and I sincerely hope this wasn't a waste of your time. I am grateful for this sweet baby in my belly. And I will do whatever it takes to bring him or her into this world. But once, during this roller coaster journey, I wanted to keep it real. I wanted to write my true feelings and experiences, just so in a few months I can look back and laugh at myself for being tired, when I could take a nap pretty much whenever I wanted. Or reminisce that I dreaded leaving the house, when, with a baby, I'm probably going to go stir crazy and find any excuse possible to go out!


Life is good and all is well!
And here's to another good day tomorrow!!



Love,
K



4 comments:

  1. Loved this post kaela!! And you'll be feeling that baby any day now! So exciting!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hear ya. While pregnant I felt like I was going to die every day. It was sooo awful. But you forget pretty darn quick how bad it was once that cute little baby is here. Hang in there. It will fly by.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are doing great Kaela! Complain all you want-its not an easy thing to grow a human inside of you :) Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
  4. There is another HUMAN growing inside of your body. How could that not be hard? Its a miracle. Hang in there sis, it is worth it!

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...