Friday, July 13, 2012

on sleep



Why is it that, all day every day, I am the most tired girl on this side of the Mississippi...
But then night comes, and sleep is the last thing my body is capable of doing.

It's rather frustrating.


Right now, for instance, I would love to be fast asleep with my body pillow weaved through my legs,  under my belly, and nestled nicely, cushioning my head. Ideally, I'd be smack in the middle of our bed, where the mattress is still firm and the a/c vent aims. I'd even be content having any one of the strange dreams my mind has been conjuring up as of late (this topic will have to wait for a-whole-nother post).
But, instead, I am here. 

All I want is to sleeeep. Is that too much to ask?



In the wee hours of the morning, I've often found myself having this conversation with myself:


Self: Gosh, I am so uncomfortable! All I want is to sleep.
Self: Well then sleep! Just close your eyes and do it. It's not that hard.
Self: Ugh! I can't wait until I'm not pregnant anymore and then I can finally sleep.
Self:........I'm gonna let you think that one out for a minute.
Self: Shut up.
Self: Those bags under your eyes....you haven't even seen the worst of it yet. 
Self: I don't wanna talk about it anymore.
Self: That's fine. Lets resume this convo in an hour when you wake up to pee.




This is my life. Three-and-a-half more weeks of this seems unbearable. 
But then I know that the conversations with myself then, in those wee hours, will consist of yearning for days like today, when I filled the hours with baby shopping, lunch with good friends, and putting my feet up to read a new book....And wishing I could just lie there at night like I do now, willing myself to sleep, instead of rocking a fussy baby, or changing another diaper.


It's such a strange feeling;
Anxious to be on to the next big thing, but also trying so hard to savor my last moments in this stage.
I feel like I'm running forward, and dragging my feet at the exact same time.
Is that even possible?



Sigh.




I leave you with this,
because it made me laugh, 
and it is another all-too-familiar conversation I've been having with myself.























Goodnight!

-Kaela



2 comments:

  1. Ha its amazing how your body helps you start adjusting to a baby. I personally think that the peeing every hour in the night is to get you ready for the baby and the lack of sleep that you experience that last trimester because you are soooo uncomfortable is doing the same-acclimating you! As frustrating as it is. It sort of turns out to be a blessing!

    ReplyDelete
  2. such a cute post. and so true. I can't wait to meet him or her!!!!!

    ReplyDelete

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