I feel like I've been a little MIA for the past little while. Not just MIA from this blog, but from life in general. The past 3 weeks all kind of blend together into one big chunk of emotion. Lots of good emotion, but lots of unpleasant emotion too.
Luckily, I'm pretty sure we've passed the peak of the unpleasant-ness, and every day is getting better.
See, the first 4 days after delivery were great! I was a little sore and I could definitely tell that my body was recovering from a big event, but that was fine. It was nothing that I couldn't handle. And then all of a sudden I felt like my healing started going backwards. My pain was getting worse, and soon I couldn't even sit down without crying from the pain. I couldn't sit, I couldn't stand, walking the length of our tiny apartment was only manageable when completely necessary. All I could do was lay there. Luckily I have the best husband who brought Rae to me for every feeding, and then when she was done eating, would promptly burp her, change her, and take care of her. I could not have done it without him.
One week postpartum, I went into see my doctor because I was sure something was wrong. She examined me but couldn't see find anything wrong...in fact, all my tears were healing really well. I felt like a total wimp. Even though nothing appeared to be wrong, the pain was still too much to handle so she prescribed me some pretty intense meds. For the next week, I was completely dependent on them to help me function. I could tell the second they started to wear off and every time it was time for my next dose, I'd take it, and then just lay there waiting for it to kick in before I could get up again.
Mix all of this in with having a newborn, moving into a new apartment, and getting little to no sleep....it was really really awful. After another week of this, I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't even move because of the pain. Sitting up to feed Rae had me in tears. In the morning I called my doctor demanding to come in again. Two weeks after having a baby I should be feeling at least a little better, right? But I was only getting worse and worse. I told them the situation and gave them a little visual of what things were looking like [down there], and they told me to come in asap!
As we raced to the office, I told Garrett that the worst case scenario would be that everything looked great. And best case scenario would be that something was wrong, so at least we could get it figured out and the healing could finally begin. If I heard my doctor say that everything looked great, I think I would have died! Luckily, after a quick look, she told me that it was a really good thing I came in. I was definitely not healing right and had gotten a rotten infection. After two hours, a not-fun surgical procedure right there in the office, and literally the worse pain of my life (which is saying something considering only two weeks prior I had gone through childbirth!), I left the office teary-eyed and with a handful of new prescriptions.
Since then, things have been getting better, slowly but surely. I can finally say, three weeks postpartum, that I'm starting to feel better! And I'm definitely not taking it for granted. Just being able to sit on the couch with G is the greatest ever! And I'm sure that both of us appreciate that I can help more with diapers, dishes, and dinners now!
Like I said earlier, because of all this unpleasantness, I really feel like I've been totally out of it. The last three weeks feel like a total blur! But it wasn't all unpleasant.
I've loved watching Rae and her Dad hanging out. It is the most tender thing to watch, and it reminds me every day that I am the luckiest girl in the world. I've loved catching those little moments where G whispers to Rae, over and over, how much he loves her, or when he dances her to sleep in the perfect rhythm to get that little baby girl to sleep. Watching him embrace this 'dad' role has been so sweet.
And his ability and willingness to love on her, while managing to still take care of me, has blown my mind. This boy prepared and brought me almost every meal in bed, had no complaints getting up to bring me silly little things like chapstick and ice cream, and tucked me in to bed early so that I could catch a few good hours of sleep while he watched Rae. He made daily runs to the grocery store to pick up my latest prescription, and he usually came home with a 'special surprise' because, he says, I deserve it. The latest was a king size kitkat bar :).
eyebrows and smiles!
Rae has really been a dream baby. I've said over and over that if she wasn't soooo good, I literally couldn't have handled these last few weeks! She rarely cries, and if she does, it's always really easy to solve. She's happy and alert during the day, and has even started giving us rewarding little smirks and smiles (and we pretend it's not just gas). She's a pro at eating, which is definitely starting to show on her squishy little legs! Last night she let me get in a solid night of sleep, with only 2 quick interruptions. And we're beginning to see the cutest little personality ever! She is always making the funniest facial expressions and we literally laugh at her all day long!
poor baby scratched her face.
So although we got a pretty rough start, I feel like we're finally starting to get the hang of things around here. And that feels so good!!