Friday, September 14, 2012

1 month

The other day I went to get my newborn up from a nap, but when I got to her cradle, she was no where to be found. Instead, in her place, was a curious little infant looking up at me. I picked her up, flattened her bed head, and loved on her chubby little cheeks. And in that moment, I realized that my newborn was gone forever. I now had a baby with chubby legs and a round belly who insisted on lifting up her own head to look around while we burp her. She was no longer just a little ball of baby. Her arms and legs are gaining strength, as well has her feisty little personality. She kicks and dances all day long. And her ability to carry on a conversation of coo's and grunts is quite advanced, if I do say so myself.

And while I was so so sad to see my newborn go, I was also proud of the fact that we made it through the newborn faze! It definitely hasn't been easy. Actually though, she hasn't been the hard part! She's the reason I survived. Through an awful infection, a spontaneous surgical procedure, 80 million prescriptions, an allergic reaction to one of those prescriptions, hives covering my whole body, little to no sleep, and the stress of slowly but surely losing my milk supply, this little girl is the reason I'm still smiling today.

It's hearing those little grunts and coo's throughout my day. Or having her little hands wrapped tightly around my fingers. Holding my freshly bathed little girl, all wrapped in a towel, and smelling that indescribable baby scent. Those are the things that got me through! Like how from the very first day, she knew my voice! And how just the softest whisper from me, her mom, could calm her right down. Or when her dad came home from school and put his head near hers, and she reached up and touched his cheek, knowing he was there. Though it's been the hardest month of my life, she's made it the best month of my life.

And can we talk for a second about that first smile?! Not just a gassy smile, or a smile that comes with sleepy dreams. But the smile that comes right after I come up and love on her, and she looks me right in the eyes, and there it is...that adorable gummy smile that just makes everything right in the world! That smile alone could have gotten me through the past month. And, the stars must've been aligned in my favor or something, because I just so happened to have my camera aimed and ready. I've looked at it no less than twenty thousand times by now. And it hasn't even begun to get old.

Life is good. And I'm so in love with my baby girl. And her handsome dad who also deserves SO much credit for getting me through this past month. I'll tell ya what, that boy owns my heart. He does.



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