Friday, October 26, 2012

Today, this is me.

I am tired.
And cold.
And happy.
And so in love with my little family.

Becoming a mother is a big adjustment. But I love it!
I'm still trying to figure out nap time with this little girl. And how to keep-up my relationship with her dad. I'm trying to get Rae on a good schedule, but it rarely goes as planned. And staying on top of all my homemaker responsibilities sometimes doesn't happen.

I don't know if I'm doing everything right. In fact, I'm sure there's plenty that I'm doing wrong. Somedays I worry that I'm holding baby girl too much and spoiling her. Other days I worry that I haven't held her enough. It's a guessing game, really. And there's so much more strategy involved in parenthood than I ever imagined. It's definitely an adjustment.

It reminds me of when G and I were fresh newlyweds. That was an adjustment too. But it was the best kind of adjustment! It was so much fun. I loved learning about the way he sleeps, always preferring the middle of the bed and hogging the blankets. Or how he hates eating-noises. It took me awhile, but I've become the quietest eater and sipper ever. Or how simply surprising him with oatmeal-chocolate-chip cookies (from the bag), instantly makes him the happiest husband ever. About 3-months in, I realized that we didn't have the same opinion on everything. It totally threw me for a loop. But then I learned how to disagree with him, kindly. And those times where we strongly disagreed, well, those times taught us how to make-up. And the making-up kind of makes the disagreeing worth it, if you ask me.
It was an adjustment, but it was the best kind of adjustment.

And I'm learning that that's how motherhood is too. Sometimes I still have no idea what she's crying about, but most of the time I can tell the difference between her tired, hungry, and still-need-to-burp cries. And when I get it right, it feels so good. I'm learning what she likes and doesn't like. She loves when we sing songs, and she always tries to sing along. And she hates when I rub or tickle her back after burping her. Sometimes when she cries in the middle of the night, I just want to cry along with her. But then I get to her cradle, and without fail every time, she smiles up at me, and then there's nothing I'd rather be doing than being awake with my baby at three in the morning.

And just like I've never been able to imagine my life without her dad, I can no longer imagine my life without her.

So even though today I'm more tired than I've ever been, I'm also happier than I've ever been.

So if you'll excuse me, I've got to go love on my little girl now.



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