Wednesday, April 03, 2013

grown up decisions

PROVO 3/13
A few weeks ago, I wrote this post about how the light at the end of this school tunnel that G and I are in, had just gotten a lot further away. With plans to postpone the real world for another year and a half, we were gearing up our budget to stay in school until G completed the masters program here at BYU. I wrote about how I cried when I realized that staying to get our masters was more and more of a real possibility.

Since then I think I've only gotten more and more excited to stay here in Provo. Who wants to go to the real world anyways? There's just something safe and comforting about being students. And all our friends are here! And we've made up grand plans to go on walks with our babies this summer and fall, and go to the pool and eat j-dawgs and do everything we're supposed to do in this college phase of life. And so, I was quite enjoying this new plan of ours. I thought to myself, "Yeah, I'm not ready to leave anyways! I'm more than happy to stay right here for another year and a half....easy!!"

But I guess that's how it goes with life. Sometimes I get caught up in thinking that all my plans will come along perfectly, step after step, just how I had it written out in my mind. And then something changes, and I try really hard to hold onto my plan still. And when I see that it's not possible, I hurry and write a new plan. And I hold on tight again.

So, like I said, four weeks ago I made up my new plan. We were going to stay here, in our awesome apartment, with our awesome friends, and go to grad school. We would see all our friends have their babies, and we would spend our first ever summer in Provo. We'd enjoy a few more days at 'our park' where we got engaged. I'd go to girls camp this summer with my sweet 12-year olds, and Garrett would get to stay in the elders quorum presidency. We'd find ourselves walking to j-daws a block away, or the awful waffle just a block in the opposite direction. Or slab pizza or mountain west burrito. We'd stroll over to the library, or the duck pond, and hike the Y once or twice!

And then, on Monday, Garrett got a job offer from an engineering firm that we've been quite interested in. And when he told me I was like, "Hmm, too bad we already have plans to stay here." And that was it. I was ready to forget all about the job because I already had a plan, and that plan did not include Arizona. But obviously that wasn't the end of the conversation, and we've spent the past two days trying to figure out where we'll be in a month. One second I'm 100% positive that we'll stay in Provo. The next second I'm ready to pack for Arizona.

So, as of right now, we have no plan. We are in limbo. I literally have no idea where I'll be living in a month. Two months ago I was crying because we were going to stay in Provo, and last night I cried because we might be leaving Provo.

And I wish I could end this blog post with an answer of what we're going to do. But I can't. Because I literally have no idea. But I will say that even though things are kinda confusing right now, I still feel a lot of peace. Because both options are good. And we feel blessed to have a couple choices in front of us. So, I'll keep ya posted. But...if you have any advice, feel free to share!


1 comment:

  1. No way! That's crazy... That's life for ya. No advice here. I'd say finish school while you aren't used to having money but we did the opposite and now we don't know if Aaron will ever need to go back. And Arizona... That's a good place! We need a reason to visit there:) well keep us posted. Good luck!!


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