Monday, June 24, 2013

funk



These past few days I've been in a bit of a funk.

I don't know what it is. Maybe the teething baby....? Maybe that I'm still not completely settled or comfortable here in Phoenix yet....? Maybe that trying to make friends is kinda draining...and scary? Maybe it's a combination of all three...I don't know.

Either way, I'm just in a funk. Which is super annoying. Seriously though, funks suck.

This funk is kind of an itchy funk. Like, I'm suddenly itching to do all these things. Like travel the whole entire world, take a photography class, become an interior designer, buy a home. All things that cost a lot of money....lovely. The other day I had the itch to just pack up everything and move somewhere new, and just start all over. And then I thought, "Oh...here I am. I just did that. I'm doing that right now." And this just in: it's not helping. Then I thought, what I really need is a good vacation. And then I remembered that I got back from Hawaii barely a month ago. So my vacation canteen is quite full.

I think I tend to get in funks after big transitions in my life. Change has never been my strong-suit. I miss my friends, I miss being able to drive home for the weekend whenever I want, I miss knowing where all the good places were in Provo, and knowing the best way to get there. But there are things I don't miss too. I don't miss the long school/study hours. I don't miss driving around my old car. I don't miss the teensy budget.

That being said, I really do miss Provo. More than I realized. The other day G mentioned the possibility of getting to spend a day or two there next month. I immediately burst into tears. They were happy tears...my heart is happy in Provo. But we were both cracking up because my reaction surprised both of us. When I first moved to Provo I hated it, and four years later I was totally in love with it. Maybe it'll be the same here.

I really do like it here, I just don't love it yet. And I loved Provo. And I loved the phase of life that was in Provo. And I think part of me misses that too. But this is a really fun phase of life too. And I like Phoenix a lot more than I first liked Provo. So that means it's got potential, right?

Either way, I'm ready for this funk to end. And I keep thinking that a good dose of sunshine would do me good, but it's so stinking hot outside. Holy crap, it's SO hot. When we were first moving here, everyone and their dog told us that we were coming at exactly the wrong time of the year. I didn't put much thought into it....but they were right. Yesterday our aunt compared the arizona summer to the utah winter. They're pretty much the same....you just stay inside as much as possible. I hear that, to be fair, I have to wait until at least november to make any opinions on AZ.

I think I can do that. Life really is so good. And I am happy. These past few days have just been a little off.

But I just woke up my baby girl, who decided to sleep in today. We rocked in her chair for a few minutes before coming out and she plopped five or six open mouth kisses on me in a row. If that doesn't stop a funk in it's tracks, I don't know what will.



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