Wednesday, September 25, 2013

a terribly random post written at a terribly lonely time

So....night one without the G Frame iiiiiiiiiiisn't going so hot.

The day went well enough.
An outing to the play-factory with new friends.
A couple quick/lame-excuses of meals...because, turns out my motivation to cook anything even miniscule-ly time consuming goes out the door with G.
No excess money applause-worthy feat.
A significant amount of time was spent practicing our animal sounds, which was entertaining enough.
And then I watched Rae make 5 or 6 trips to our front door once evening came around. Even I pretended for a second that G would come bursting through that door like he does every night, rushing to give me a kiss followed by a good tickle session with Miss Rae.
We were anxious to face-time before story time, and that seemed to lift everyone's spirits.
Then Rae went to bed and I quickly turned on The Great Gatsby to distract me from the lonely night ahead of me.
When the movie ended and I found myself here.....
I'm hesitant to go to sleep alone, and this is turning out to be a successful means of stalling.

I've been apart from Garrett before, and it's been fine. But for some reason this trip is hitting me harder than usual.
Maybe it was the short notice...
Maybe it's the fact that I've NEVER kicked it solo with Rae for this long...
I know I can handle it, but I worry for her. She's bound to get sick of me.

Today I promised G that we would have absolutely zero fun without him. We'll save it all up, so when he comes home it'll be like boom! boom! boom! sooooo muuuuuuch fuuuuun!

Sounds like a good plan to me.

And now, some random thoughts that are aiding in this valiant stalling effort:

1. Have I told you that we're trying to buy a house? When we got a job, we were all, "La la la, now we can save so much money for a house! It's going to be so la la!" And then, turned out that even though we were making more money, we also had more expenses. So after a few months we were like, "Hey....where's all that extra money? Our house fund is still empty....?" So then we pulled out the big guns and started saving like no body's business. We sold a boat-load of stuff (including our iphones....gasp!). The grocery bill was reduced. We lowered the electric bill by living in a hotter and darker apartment than any sane person would choose to live in. We did a lot of free stuff, and very little costing stuff. And after a few months we looked at our house fund...and it was still very very very small. Turns out, saving a significant amount of money is a lot harder and takes a lot longer than I expected.

2. Sometimes Most-times when I blog, I have this little voice in my head that tells me how people might respond critically or negatively to my thoughts. Sometimes I ignore it. Sometimes I listen to it and stop writing. And sometimes I spend x amount of time duking it out with that voice, and revising my words so it's less likely to be received negatively. I hate that voice. I honestly don't know if anyone even reads this. If I weren't me, I might have quit reading this post 8 paragraphs ago. But I guess I need to remind myself that I don't write for others. Actually, if that were 100% true, then I would write in a more private setting. So I guess I do write a little bit for others, but mostly for me. Because it makes me happy. This tiny spot on the internet holds a significant spot in my heart. Significant enough that if no one read it, I would probably still write. So if you're reading this, or if you stopped 8 paragraphs ago...I'm still here.

3. Lately I have found myself inspired by so many's, pinterest quotes, books, and a few random moments of clarity that I have been pursuing. I think I am going to start blogging about those more. Because that is what has been in my heart lately. And when I avoid writing what's on my heart, I find that writing anything at all is nearly impossible. you know.

And because no post is as good without pictures, here are some random moments from this past month:

Aaaaaaand now it's 1 in the morning.
Bed time.
Good luck, me.

1 comment:

  1. I totally get how you feel without a husband. It makes for looooooong days. :( But you can do it!!! :)


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