Friday, September 06, 2013

adding to the dialogue

I feel like I've spent this past week and a half reading everyone's shared blog posts about the MTV VMA's, women's role in modesty, and man's role in modesty. Loving letters to daughters and sons from parents who are trying to raise confident, smart, and respectful children. Some posts I completely agreed with, but others made me feel a teensy bit uneasy. I know they were all well-meaning, and it made me smile to see so many people who care about doing the right thing....and raising children who do the right thing. That's everyone's goal here, and it's awesome. But it gave me an opportunity to make some decisions about what I wanted to support, teach, and live by as a new mother.

As I look at my own 13 month old daughter, I have spent a good chunk of time wondering how I will teach her. How can I give her all she needs to grow into the beautiful soul that she is. Everything I do as her mother, is in efforts to aid her in growing into the very best version of herself. Right now that means helping her learn to walk and teaching her sounds. But someday that will mean lessons on respect, modesty, boys, how important our actions are, entertainment, etc. etc. etc.

So I guess these are a few of the thoughts I've had regarding what I want to remember; thing's I've specifically become aware of these past few weeks.

1. It is my responsibility to teach my children. I appreciate viral blog letters from well-meaning mothers addressed to the friends of her children, I do. And some people may see this as prideful or naive. But as a mother of teenagers, I hope I remember that the only people I'm entitled to give advice to is my own children. If my children's friends come to me and say, "Mrs. Frame, what advice do you have for me about dressing modestly? And what kind of pictures do you suggest that I post on my Facebook?" then you bet you're bottom dollar that I'll give them an earful. But until then I'll worry about teaching and advising my own children. Which brings me to:

2. My goal is to spend less time teaching my children about what kind of things other people should be doing, and instead spend more time teaching them about what they, themselves, should and shouldn't be doing. If my son see's a picture of a girl posing seductively in skimpy attire, I don't want him to think, "She shouldn't...and she should....." I want him to think, "I should.......and I shouldn't......." And the same goes with my daughters. Have you seen that youtube video of the cute little girl trying to buckle herself in her carseat? Her dad keeps asking if he can help, and she keeps responding "Worry 'bout yo-self!!!" That's what comes to mind here....worry 'bout yo-self! (If you haven't seen it, click the's adorable.)

3. The line I am seeing most in response to the VMA's or to seductive photo's that people are choosing to post is, "When will they learn?" and it normally comes with a demeaning head shake. Well, I think they'll learn when we learn! The performers at the VMA's got exactly what they wanted....BUZZ. They don't care if it's good buzz or bad buzz. They just want their name to be the top youtube or google search. Here we are, weeks later, still talking about them. Lets stop inadvertently rewarding and supporting behavior that we don't like. Instead, lets find things that we do like to talk about. Lets buzz about the things that deserve to be rewarded and supported. I'm sure it's 10x harder to find....but maybe that'll change once we make some changes to what kind of behavior we reward.

I guess the main thing I hope I remember is that I have great power over what I allow in my home. I don't watch the VMA's because I know better than to think that it will be wholesome family entertainment. I chose not to watch the viral clips of certain performances because I didn't want to support it. I even chose to leave names out of this post so as not to give them yet another google search result of their name. I want Rae and our other future children to respect themselves, and dress and act in a way that portrays that high level of respect. I also want them to love and respect others. That being said, I hope to teach my children to choose friends and entertainment that uplifts them and brings them real long-term joy. I want them to fill their lives with positive influences that will only aid them in reaching their full potential mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

Lastly, I know my children will make mistakes. I want them to know that their mother has made mistakes. I want them to know that everyone makes mistakes. But it is not our job to label anyone's actions as mistakes except our own. It is our job to show love and compassion, to be a good influence, and to make sure that we are living in accordance to God's laws of happiness. (One of those laws is to love one another). And when we make mistakes, fix it, learn from it, and keep on keepin' on.

I guess those are just a few of the thought's that I've had these past few days. I love the open dialogue that I've seen on facebook and in the blog-o-sphere these past few days. I love that everyone's goal is to find happiness and to help others find happiness. Mostly, I love the opportunity it gave me to evaluate my own happiness, my family's happiness, and how we can continue to be happy.


  1. Kae, I loved this. You are so good at conveying your thoughts through your words. And it is exactly what I have been thinking all week- so thanks for writing it. Rae is SO blessed to have you!


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