Monday, April 28, 2014

half way there

Welp, I'm over half-way through this pregnancy, officially. It's been really different from Rae's pregnancy, but at the same time, really similar. I have a lot of feelings and emotions and symptoms that I'm reminded of having only once before, last time I was pregnant.

All along I've been almost certain that I'm having a boy. To the point that I've even bought a couple boy things that I just couldn't pass up. But then we had our in-depth ultrasound last week, and even though we never saw any 'parts', I could't help but think that that little baby on the screen was another girl. I don't know, maybe it had something to do with actually seeing baby, but I just couldn't kick the thought that that little black and white baby babe was a she. So....now I really have no idea. Which, I guess is the point of this crazy habit of ours anyways.

It's really easy to say that we aren't going to find out gender during the first half of pregnancy, when it would be impossible to know anyways. But knowing that I could know right now if I wanted to....that stings a little. A little. But not enough for me to want to find out. I'm so excited to find out and then hold that sweet little one in my arms right then. Maybe next time we'll find out before birth, just to see what it's like?

A big part of the reason I've felt like this was a boy was because my symptoms have been so different. Aside from the first trimester, this pregnancy has been a bit easier than Rae's. I've only gotten heart burn a couple of times, and last time I was downing tums like candy at this point. I've gotten a few headaches, but nothing compared to the migraines I got with Rae. Overall I just feel like my body is taking it better this time around. Maybe it's because I've got so much focus on Rae that I don't have time to pay attention to myself, or maybe it really is just more tolerable this time. Either way.

At first I felt like things were moving along much faster this time, but then at about 14 or 15 weeks, time seemed to stop. Which, honestly, is okay with me. Last time I was so anxious to finish pregnancy, and to meet my little one. And while I'm so excited to meet this little babe, I also want to hold onto this time with just Rae. She's a special little girl, and I just know that I'm going to have the hardest time leaving her behind to go to the hospital when the time comes.

I find myself constantly dreaming about this little one, putting my hands on my belly just to feel that much closer, and wishing all things good for this special little baby babe. Isn't it amazing how much you can love a child without even officially meeting them? With Rae, I didn't realize until I held her in my arms, how much of my heart and soul and being she owned. But this time, I know. I'm fully aware that along with my belly, my heart is growing. And even though it beats within me, very little, if any, actually belongs to me. Which I'm okay with.

So. Half way there. Life is good.


Other points of note, just for memory's sake. Feel free to skip...
-I sleep in a nest of pillows every night. I'm talking, 3 regular pillows and a large body pillow. It's the only way. So even though we have a king size bed, Garrett still finds himself squished to his side now and then. Either that, or somewhere throughout the night I end up adding his pillow to my collection. Poor guy.
-I've been feeling baby for a few weeks now, but it's getting more and more defined. The other day I saw a kick for the first time, which was fun. Feeling and seeing baby move is one of my very favorite parts of pregnancy!
-I haven't slept through the night since like 7 weeks along. Baby must be lower this time around, because I wake up to pee multiple times, every single night. I even limit my liquid intake at the end of the day, but nothing helps. It's just preparing me for when baby is here I suppose. 
-Another quick difference from last time around: I remember being so hungry all the time, and eating anything and everything that I saw. This time around, my appetite never quite came back. I find myself really hungry, but it's really hard for me to find something that sounds good. I still throw up if I try to eat eggs. Really anything quick and easy sounds disgusting....baby is really into gourmet meals I suppose. 
-I'm definitely feeling pregnant (i.e. big, heavy, slow, tired, uncomfortable) already. I know it's just going to get worse. 
-Yesterday I stumbled across a pic of me at 21 weeks with Rae......so, a week bigger than where I am now. And you guys, I'm in trouble. Things definitely grow faster the second time around. Yikes!
21 weeks with Rae.....was there even a baby in there?!

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